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Achieving Weightlessness

Nothing surrounds us but silence;

Nothing that is bar the drumming in my chest,

The enactment of the forthcoming event ringing in my ears,

The heavy tick of the clock as time ambles forward.

I fold and unfold the paper in my hands

Time and time again until the sibling

Snatches it like an eagle swooping on prey.

She does not read it; she has already rehearsed it with me.

It took days to craft with pen and ink.

My innermost revelations are now

Slotted onto a few lined pages. It appears worthless

But the acceptance of its content is priceless.

When the key turns in the lock

My throat catches on pins.

I am a caged bear with no hope of escape.

My sister is my captor.

Fidget, pick nails, clear throat, exchange pleasantries;

Anything to avoid the imminent expose.

I catch sis' hawk like glare burning through me

And turn to face the judge and executioner.

Warm gaze and outstretched hands greet me.

Essence of carefree childhood days, tomboy mud pies

And catching crabs in the creek.

As I nestle in the warmth of arms

And inhale aroma I want to run.

You've got to tell her

You need to tell

I can't, I won't, and I don't want to.

You've backed out before, come on!

My silent battle falls on deaf ears.

When the embrace slackens

Hawk sister quickly drops her prey

In the hands as the kettle spits and bubbles.

She begins to read, to decipher, to unravel, to believe.

Rivers are coursing down my cheeks.

Even though nothing has been said

I know what she is taking in and I feel crushed.

My battle for secrecy is defeated.

With my angst flows a tide of relief.

Huge waves crash on my shore; the weight of

Lying and hiding and cheating lifted and rolled

From my shoulders and rippled for her to see.

As pupils glint at me over the prose

My heart floats to my mouth like a helium balloon.

I let my body catch up when I realize

That a smile has spread like butter across her face.

It could signify acceptance or understanding.

I see it as a glimmer of faint hope and let my fingers glide

Across the table to meet hers.

The strong grasp pushes air from my chest.

As her rivers meet my tributaries

And her arms ground my flight

I know that I am secure.

My life has pupated.

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