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Disillusioned Fan

I woke up in my wardrobe again,

Dressed from top to toe in my tennis regalia

And hugging my racquet like it was her.

This must be the fifth or sixth time this month.

I know exactly why I find myself like this though;

She's coming to town today to the premiere of

L Word the movie and this is my one and only chance.

As I get out the iron to try and rid the sleep creases

On my outfit I flick on the TV and start playing series two.

The DVD sticks a little on all the scenes where you see

A glimpse of her breast or a full shot of her torso.

I flick forward to see her in her sailor outfit

And imagine it's me instead of Alice beneath her

On top of her, behind her, inside her.

I jump in the shower and hum the theme tune

Whilst I scrub my blubber and shave my entirety,

Apart from my little go faster stripe down below.

She'll laugh when she sees that I know she will

Because I know the ins and outs of Dana Fairbanks.

I've seen her laugh and cry and shout and scream,

I've been there in her troubled times to hold her

And I've been part of her celebrations and joy.

It may have all been through a TV screen

But it's real enough to me and I can sense

That she notices my presence when she looks

Through the plasma. As I straighten my hair

And apply foundation, mascara, and lipstick

In the smeared mirror I wish I had done more

To prepare myself for her coming but it's too late.

If I'd gone for the liposuction and the face lift

And the breast reduction and the hair extensions

I could have looked like her and then she

May have noticed me from the corner of her eye.

If I'd have had a few more weeks

Of tennis lessons and workouts at the gym

My body would have been much more toned

And maybe she would have smiled at me.

As it is I have to put up with my stomach

Under spilling my sports bra and over spilling

My short pleated tennis skirt. Still, beauty is in the

Eye of the beholder and I've seen her wanton look.

If she even glances at me in that way it will

Signify that she wants me, just me and nobody else.

I am prepared for that; I'll take it all in my stride.

I head for the door, picking up my Dana scarf,

Dana gloves, Dana bag and Dana banner.

I made them all with my own fair hands for her.

As I undo the locks and step outside its only

The mirror that sees that my skirt is tucked

Into my knickers. It's only the mirror that knows

My true fate. I am too blind to see that Dana isn't for me.

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